In every relationship, there is a point where the only word that will do is to stay silent. Whether it be the gaze of bride and groom at the moment before they exchange vows, or the parting look before death takes a loved one, or the everyday contentedness of a pause in the conversation with a dear friend, there are times when the only thing to do is let the silence speak. In our faith-journeys, there are times when we need to share with Jesus all of our joys and worries. Perhaps resting in quiet before our Lord speaks the words of our hearts most authentically.
God is always right before us, but hidden. The chaos of everyday life obscures him and distracts us. To spend time with him, we must quiet that which prevents our hearts from being present to God. This motion, from silence to prayer, is itself a prayer. Our first task in approaching quiet is to begin to collect our scattered thoughts. This task in itself is difficult. Simply because the will desires silence does not mean the intellect is going to stop its constant chatter. What do we do with these thoughts? You could fight them and force them to submit, but that takes a lot of energy and likely the thought will end up louder and more entrenched. Perhaps the best bet is simply to watch the comings and goings of the thoughts, acknowledging without judging them, nor letting them distract or distress. Thoughts come and go as they please, but they need not take me with them. If the same thought resurfaces, let it go again, and again. This needs to be a movement of patience and peace, not force. If I get anxious orangry about a thought, then I have lost any sense of silence and recollection. Even if I can get no further than this in my prayers, then the time has been well spent! Our efforts to pray and enter silence are themselves pleasing to God our Father who knows our hearts.
Where is all of this going? The goal of silence is not to somehow “impress” God with my ability to marshal all of my thoughts into order. Instead, by entering this silence, I am trying to find that quiet center of myself, through which the Holy Spirit moves in my heart. This silence lets me be present to the God who deserves the first and best of everything. It is here I am most myself, most human; fully awake! It is only through acts of will and the movement of grace that I can be present to the quiet emptiness within which God waits for me. I stand before my Father, quietly, with open hands, waiting to receive whatever grace he deigns to bestow upon me. Most of the time, he responds in silence. Not, that is, in the silence of cutting off and ignoring, but rather, the silence we hear back from him is that of a Lover gazing into the heart of his Beloved.
This point in particular merits further reflection. We try to be fully present to the ones we love. All the distractions of the day vanish when they need us, and they become our anchors in times of trouble. The beautiful truth is that our Lord is always present. St. Augustine remarks that “God is closer to me than I am to myself!” Through our silence, we enter into his inscrutable Mystery, wherein he never ceases to exclaim his love for all of us together and each of us apart. Our Lord waits for us in every moment. No matter our walk in life, he is there, at the core of our being. We need not take on a strict discipline of perpetual silence, but by and large, we are meant to find our Lord in the day-to-day of the vocation to which he has called us. Today, make an effort to spend time with Jesus in the quiet. During the drive to work, turn the radio off for five minutes. Turn off the computer, television, music; set aside the many things which (legitimately) demand our attention for a few moments. Simply rest in the silence, and know that in the responding quiet is the loving gaze of our God.
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Brother Christopher Start is a junior monk at St. Benedict’s Abbey in Atchison, KS. He professed first vows December 8th, 2010. He recently finished his philosophical studies at Benedictine College.
